a.b.s-k Geek Code

Based on the Geek Code by Robert Hayden - hayden@pobox.com. Used with permission.


The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually are.


(): for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges.
eg OT+++(-) meaning, "normally I'm never on topic, but every so often I go through an on-topic phase".

>: for 'wannabe' ratings.
eg DT->+ meaning, "Didn't like Dark Tower on my first reading, but hope I'll get into it later."

Section I: King book ratings

For any book code below, use the following format (example given is ST, The Stand). Of course, there's no need to mark all of them!

ST++++ : I am Randall Flagg, bow down before me.
ST+++ : Yeah, I read The Stand. Yesterday. And the day before.
ST++ : My favourite book, I've read it quite a few times.
ST+ : Good stuff indeed, better than most other King books.
ST : It's okay, I guess.
ST- : Read it once, probably never again.
ST-- : Yuk. Infinitely preferred Swan Song.
ST--- : Didn't make it past the introduction to the Uncut version
ST---- : I regularly use copies of The Stand as firelighters.
!ST : Haven't read it yet.
!ST- : Haven't read it, don't intend to.
!ST+ : Haven't read it, waiting for the paperback
!ST++++: Haven't read it, but my written-in-blood copy is in the post.
ST? : Who's Stephen King?

Book codes:

DS : Different Seasons
BB : The Bachman Books
TH : Thinner
FP : Four Past Midnight
NS : Night Shift
SC : Skeleton Crew
ND : Nightmares and Dreamscapes
SL : 'Salem's Lot
DZ : The Dead Zone
CJ : Cujo
DH : The Dark Half
NT : Needful Things
ST : The Stand
D1 : The Gunslinger (DT 1)
D2 : The Drawing of the Three (DT 2)
D3 : The Wastelands (DT 3)
D4 : Wizard and Glass (DT 4)
DT : Dark Tower in general
ED : Eyes of the Dragon
IN : Insomnia
CA : Carrie
CH : Christine
MI : Misery
TK : The Tommyknockers
TA : The Talisman
SH : The Shining
FI : Firestarter
CY : Cycle of the Werewolf
GG : Gerald's Game
PS : Pet Sematary
DC : Dolores Claiborne
RM : Rose Madder
DE : Desperation
RG : The Regulators
GM : The Green Mile
Um, I'm not going to do all the short stories too...

Section II: absk posting/reading habits

P: Posting

P++++ : All the articles you've ever read were posted under my aliases
P+++ : I post absolutely every day, usually > 10 articles
P++ : I post every day I have internet access, usually several articles
P+ : I post pretty often. People sometimes refer to me on the group.
P : Sometimes I post, sometimes I don't. Depends how many cups of coffee I've had.
P- : I tend to lurk. I'm one of those people you know you've heard of, but can't remember what they've posted.
P-- : I said "hi" once. Never again. I just like listening and learning.
P--- : Posting is overrated.
P---- : Silence is golden.
!P : My newsreader doesn't have posting capability.
P? : I've got my letter ready, but I can't find the address to write to.

R: Reading

R+++++ : Someone once told me there was life outside absk. They forgot to put the smiley on.
R++++ : I gave up reading Stephen King 'cos I don't have the time to spare from absk.
R+++ : I read absk morning, noon, and night, every article. I regularly annoy friends by so doing.
R++ : I read absk whenever I can. Sometimes I get a bit behind, and sometimes I skip threads, but usually manage.
R+ : I read most of the articles, but just hit catch-up after a long break.
R : I read absk, but I'm not bothered if I have to miss it for a while.
R- : I only read absk if I'm really bored. It's too big to read often.
R-- : Who wants to listen to a bunch of Losers anyway?
R--- : I received the definition of this geek code telepathically.
!R : I don't have a newsreader, but I leaned over someone's shoulder for a while to read this.
R? : News? Reading? Alt? Books? Stephen King?

OT: Off-topic-ness

(Note: this is not the same as "ot", which is reaction to off-topic-ness - see "heated debates")

OT+++ : Topic? Isn't that a chocolate bar?
OT++ : I posted on a Stephen King thread once. It was a newbie mistake, okay?
OT+ : I'm usually off-topic, but I'll comment if I'm particularly interested in an on-topic thread.
OT : Who cares what the thread topic is? I'll post about anything.
OT- : I tend to post on-topic, but I'll keep discussing a thread even after it's gone off-topic
OT-- : Most of my posts are on-topic, but some have an off-topic bent (eg comparisons between SK and a cat)
OT--- : I take the group description as law.
!OT : I haven't read any Stephen King, but I hope that won't stop me from being welcome...
OT? : Which group is this?

F: Flames

F++++ : I am Dani, hear me roar.
F+++ : Spam is about to be cooked. Any posts disagreeing with me are considered spam.
F++ : I postmaster every spam around, and consider my opinions inviolate.
F+ : I quite often postmaster people, particularly if I'm stressed.
F : I let other people deal with spam, but if someone offends me personally, I'll let them know.
F- : I'm not really bothered. Take the rough with the smooth is my motto.
F-- : I consider myself laid-back enough to cope.
F--- : I'm so laid back, I'm horizontal. Just call me Mr. Icecube.
F---- : Make $$$ Fast!

N: Netiquette

N+++ : I personally shoot anyone breaking any of the N+++ rules.
N++ : My sig is less than 4 lines long, my sig separator is perfect, I never post in capitals, I quote properly, I wrap other people's posts, I use spoiler warnings, I always snip irrelevant text, and never go over 75 characters.
N+ : I don't know everything about netiquette, but I make an effort to do what I can.
N : I'm pretty good except before my morning coffee.
N- : I don't bother with that stuff unless someone tells me off.
N-- : I reply in capitals to anyone telling me off.
N--- : ME TOO!
!N : My spell-checker came up with "not a cat".

DK: Dani (I couldn't think of anywhere else to put this)

DK+++++: I *am* Dani.
DK++++ : I worship Dani.
DK+++ : I've met Dani and lived to tell the tale.
DK++ : I've had mail from Dani.
DK+ : I like what I've seen of Dani.
DK : Dani's just one of the crowd.
DK- : I don't like Dani.
DK-- : Dani shouldn't be let near a keyboard.
DK--- : I am a trained Dani-killer. Wish me luck.
DK? : Who is Dani?
DK#*$&%^ : I got drunk with Dani
DK----//+ : I've met Stan and think he's a Saint
!DK : I met Dani and didn't live to tell the tale.

Section III: Reading habits

Just as with books, there is a list of authors, with an example given below:

sk+++++: I am Stephen King.
sk++++ : I am a close personal friend (or relative) of Stephen King.
sk+++ : I've read everything by King, and love it all. I buy limited editions of everything as it comes out. I've memorised his work.
sk++ : I've read almost everything by King, and think he's excellent. I buy first editions of everything now, but used to only buy paperbacks. I've read most of them several times.
sk+ : I count myself as a fan, and have read most of King's work. I sometimes wait for the paperbacks if I haven't read any brilliant reviews of his latest book.
sk : Yeah, I read SK. I've read a fair amount of stuff by him, but most of it only once.
sk- : I've given King a shot, but decided I'm not too keen.
sk-- : He's a talentless hack.
sk--- : He's not only talentless, he's evil too. I burn his books regularly.
sk---- : My name is Stephen Lightfoot.

The authors:

sk : Stephen King
ps : Peter Straub
dk : Dean Koontz
ds : Dan Simmons
rc : Robert McCammon
oc : Orson Scott Card
ep : Edgar Allen Poe
ar : Anne Rice
ja : Jeffrey Archer
ac : Agatha Christie
ji : John Irving
pc : Pat Conroy

Section IV: Computing

(Skip this bit if you want to. Thought I'd put it in 'cos I know everyone who reads/contributes to absk uses a computer)

C: Computer Literacy

C+++++ : I'm currently running a multi-processor computer I've built myself with my own multi-tasking C2 certified OS. Quote me a part number and I'll draw you a circuit diagram. I know many computer languages, including many which I invented myself. I'm the sys-admins' sys-admin.
C++++ : I'm a computer junkie. I live, eat, and breathe computers. I enjoy programming, games-playing, word-processing, and socialising with my computer. Hell, sometimes I'll just log in and out all day 'cos I enjoy typing in my user name. I'm a sys-admin.
C+++ : I'd say I'm fairly good with computers. I can get to grips with applications quickly, and quite enjoy programming every so often. I like to have a life as well though. I have a friend who's a sys-admin.
C++ : I use computers an awful lot at work, and enjoy some socialising with them every so often. It wouldn't kill me if you took away my email account, but I'd certainly feel a bit left out. I know my sys-admin's email address.
C+ : I do some computing as a hobby, although sometimes I find them tricky to use. I saw a sys-admin once.
C : I use computers when I have to, but not much beyond that. Is "sys-admin" another term for "boss"?
C- : Computers aren't really a cup of tea. They hate me, I'm sure. Sys-admins don't like me much, either.
C-- : I enjoy seeing how short a time it takes me to wreck a computer. Sys-admins pay me to stay away.
C--- : Computers spread disease. Sys-admins should be put down.
C---- : Don't swear.
C? : Come and put her where?
!C : Come to Abacuses are Us, for a great deal!

I: Internet time/connection

I+++ : I have an ethernet connection, regularly downloading enough to fill my hard disk. The internet is my social life.
I++ : I have an ISDN connection, and an ultra-fast modem. I tend to send emails rather than letters.
I+ : I have a reasonably fast modem, and go on IRC a bit to see my friends on #s.king.
I : The modem came with the computer. I tried IRC once, and didn't like it much.
I- : My modem is extremely slow, but that's okay 'cos I don't use it.
I-- : I have to tap messages in morse code. Think how long this code took me to send. Be grateful.
I--- : I get my canary to whistle down the phone. The error rate is rather high. Don't expect any more from me.
I? : Honey? There's a canary whistling down the phone at me...
!I : The Internet? Not I...

Section V: Heated Debates

I'm slightly loathe to put this in, just in case it causes more flame wars, but here goes anyway. *Please* remember this is just for fun.

sh: The Shining mini-series

sh+++++: I was in it.
sh++++ : The tape is about to finish rewinding, I don't have time to answer your -
sh+++ : Damned good stuff. Beat the crap out of Kubrick's version
sh++ : Excellent for a TV series
sh+ : Pretty good, I'm glad King did it.
sh : Not bad, I like it about as much as the film
sh- : Hmmm. I think I'll stick to the film.
sh-- : Why doesn't King stick to writing books? He's good at that.
sh--- : King should stick to writing books, even though he's no good at it.
sh---- : Where the hell was the maze?
sh-----: My name is Kubrick, watch me symbolise.

GO: Gun ownership

GO+++++: I use my gun every day, just to keep it clean.
GO++++ : Guns are a fairly substantial part of my life, and I don't want anyone taking them away from me.
GO+++ : Gun ownership is constitutional, and I'll defend it to my death.
GO++ : I own a gun purely for defence, and think I should be allowed to.
GO+ : I don't like the idea of the government being allowed to have weapons when I can't.
GO : I'm not really bothered, to be honest. I just wish there wasn't so much fuss about it.
GO- : I don't see why people should have guns. I don't want one, why should anyone else?
GO-- : Guns are inherently dangerous, and should be removed from society.
GO-----: All gun owners should be shot.

VI: "Value of an Individual" debate

(Note the ----- doesn't mean I think Eileene doesn't value individuals, it's just that was what the thread got called, 'kay?)

Um, just to make things easier, let's just make it sided:

VI+++++: I'm Stevie.
VI-----: I'm Eileene.

RE: Organised Religion

OR+++++: I am the supreme being.
OR++ : I'm a very firm believer, and my feathers tend to get ruffled when people mock my beliefs.
OR+ : I'm part of an organised religion, but can see why other people don't understand what I get out of it.
OR : I'm not part of an organised religion, but I'm not against them either.
OR- : I think they're a bad thing in general, but so long as they don't affect me directly, I don't mind.
OR-- : The very idea of organised religions brings me out in a cold sweat.
OR--- : Save energy, burn a church today!
OR-----: You thought Flagg was fiction?

ot: Off-topic suitability:

ot+++++: Who wants to hear about Stephen King anyway?
ot+++ : Off-topic posts are my favourite ones.
ot++ : Off-topic posts form a major part of absk's attraction.
ot+ : I quite like off-topic posts, let's keep 'em going.
ot : I read what I read, I don't mind.
ot- : It'd be nice to have some more on-topic stuff.
ot-- : I really come here for on-topic posts.
ot--- : Get the off-topic garbage off here.
ot-----: You posted off topic? Feel my wrath.

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